


Dendrophilic Debauchery On Reality TreeV

by SupernaturalMystery306



Series: SPN Crack [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anthropomorfic stuff, Castiel is a reality tv show contestant, Dean is a tree, Dendrophilia, Exhibitionism (kind of), Other, he is a "tree hugger" everyone, just leaf action, nothing graphic, this is tree porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 02:43:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5726764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturalMystery306/pseuds/SupernaturalMystery306
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Castiel finally claims his tree.</b>

</p>

<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <br/>
    <i>Castiel has just laid his eyes on the most beautiful tree in his entire existence.</i>
    <br/>
    <i>The leaves are just so pretty, so green. Just like emeralds.</i>
    <br/>
    <i>"That hole is beautiful. It probably feels as great as it looks. I shall make use of it."</i>
    <br/>
  </p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	Dendrophilic Debauchery On Reality TreeV

**Author's Note:**

> Important:  
> Anyone reading this, please don’t stuff your dick into a tree. I won’t be held responsible for any wood splinter getting into your dick or sphincter.
> 
> \--
> 
> I got three art posts for this and also a playlist I haven't yet listened to. XD These are the pics. AND AREN'T THEY LOVELY??!?!?!
> 
> From Mayalaen.
> 
> From Angrysouffle
> 
> From Firebog_Tour_Guide.
> 
> THIS IS THE NICEST THING PEOPLE HAVE DONE FOR ME. THANK YOU. :D

Castiel sneaks away from the crew and his fellow contestants the first chance he gets.

Technically, he's not supposed to wander away when they're going to be start filming the next episode, but he can't bring himself to care.

These people have been filming every single move of his for the past three weeks, and frankly, Castiel is fed up.

He just needs _five minutes_ without them breathing down his neck.

Which is how Castiel finds himself in a forest like place, away from the loud chatter of the producers and participants.

As he walks deeper into the forest, he hears a bit of rustling.

He sighs. It's probably that damn stalkerish cameraman who loves capturing Castiel's worst moments.

You see, Castiel Novak is a contestant for the latest season of Free Phil, the reality TV show produced by Philip Wilson, and for the past month, he has not even once got to relax without someone observing him.

Relaxing. God, that just reminds him of how long it's been since he has got to even _masturbate._ Don't get him wrong, he isn't the usual twenty-seven year old male, who can't go a full week without jerking it, and according to his brother, he might as well be celibate, but even Castiel needs some alone time sometimes. And 25 days is not a joke.

He actually feels like his privacy is getting violated because dammit, can't he even take a walk? (Even though he's not supposed to be roaming around.)

He whirls around, and when he spies nothing, he decides to walk in the direction where the noise is, presumably, coming from.

He finds nothing there but trees.

Trees of every kind congested in one small area. (Castiel knows that is not possible, since every kind needs different climate, topography, and whatever else he learnt in Geography class, but he can't help but be stunned.)

Because, oh god, the trees.

 _One_ of them, to be specific.

Castiel has just laid his eyes on the most beautiful tree in his entire existence.

At eight and a half feet, it stands taller than the rest around it, and it is absolutely magnificent. So magnificent that Castiel actually shivers just looking at it.

If it were a person, Castiel is sure that it would be gorgeous.

The leaves are just so _pretty_ , so _green_. Just like emeralds.

Castiel's eyes stray down partially, almost checking out the tree, and he is suddenly reminded with startling clarity that he hasn't jerked off in a month.

And he's alone now, after a long time.

Even though he feels someone is looking at him, Castiel gives in to the urge, and shoves a hand into his jeans.

He ghosts his fingers over his bulge, and groans happily.

Around him, the birds chirp, leaves rustle, the wind blows, but his eyes are trained firmly on the leaves the tree.

After a few minutes, when he is considerably more aroused than he was earlier, he allows himself to continue his evaluation of the tree.

His wandering eyes stop at the hollow space in the middle of the tree.

It's at Castiel's dick's level, and his brain is supplying some pretty good uses for that hole.

Two words come to mind: _glory hole._

"That hole is beautiful. It probably feels as great as it looks. I shall make use of it."

Throwing caution to the wind, Castiel strides over to the tree.

If Tim the Cameraman is really filming this, at least Castiel can have some fun with it. Let Timmyboy have his fun too. Castiel doesn't care.

***

Dean's leaves rustle with delight.

He can feel the man coming closer and closer, and he would like nothing more than to watch him fall apart just by looking at Dean.

And then it's his turn to be shocked.

The man thrusts into him.

The man thrusts into his ass.

The man fucks Dean.

In plain view of the other trees, Dean's family and friends.

Dean lets out the tree-equivalent of a howl, as his leaves move vigorously, agitated by the sudden intrusion.

He hears Sam gagging while Jo snickers, and he desperately tries to stop his branches from flailing, either to grab the man or to hit his siblings.

The man makes the decision for him, by holding him in his arms even though his thrusting motions start becoming uncoordinated.

Dean just preens, leaves trembling ecstatically.

***

Castiel groans as he releases inside the tree's hollow. If he weren't so spent from the vigorous exercise he'd just had, he would believe himself when he felt the tree sway slightly.

He would also have noticed the tree leaking a greenish, sap-like substance which hadn't been there earlier.

As it is, he was glowing, content with life for the time being, and thus wasn't going to put stock in anything his sex addled brain was coming up with.

Wiping his hands on the tree's smooth bark (he derives pleasure from having marked the tree in such an intimate way), he rights his clothing, and turns back on the path where he came from.

Today has been fun, he thinks offhandedly.

"Cas, where were you?" Charlie, a fellow contestant asks as he appears next to the others once again.

"Oh, I... in the forest." At her inquisitive look, he elaborates, "I wanted to be alone."

Charlie nods, satisfied, but Garth hollers with a grin, "Oh Cas, you treehugger!"

Yes, Castiel supposes that he can indeed be classified as a tree hugger. After all, he just hugged one.

Even though he did a lot more than hugging.

***

Tim the Cameraman ends up having a lot of fun.

Castiel ends up getting his own mini-episode on Free Phil, titled Scandalous Saplings, and his escapades end up getting aired on TV as the funniest scene of Season 7.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this was crack.  
> Written for the SPNColdestHits challenge. The theme of the month was Rough Riders and Reality TV.  
> Well, reality TV was mentioned. And I took liberties with the 'rough riders' part by asking urban dictionary for help. According to it, a rough rider is 'someone who prefers dry anal or vaginal sex, or is extra rough with intercourse.'  
> Okay.  
> This is unedited and I've got my Geography exam tomorrow (16 Jan) (and I'll end up flunking) and I can't handle anything. Sorry this sucks.
> 
> \--
> 
> Edit as of 19 Jan: This will have a sequel where Cas fucks tree!Dean again. If you want to read it, please save up for more therapy. I don't know when the sequel will come out. My smut writing skills are poor so it will probably be more crack.  
> Also, I love everyone who bothered to comment and leave kudos on this.  
> Next month (if I'm allowed to participate) I won't reply to comments until the challenge is over. People take advantage of my loveliness and leave comments and then my conscience forces me to reply.


End file.
